Gone....

My mama has gone overseas for 4 weeks......F**K! I am not better and it really hurt to say goodbye to her, she literally saved me from myself this past month....I have gotten through my first week without her, but it was not a cakewalk....3 more to go.....why does time speed by so fast when you're on a holiday or when your out somewhere awesome and you don't want the night to end...and it just lulls along like a heavy ship when you want to get through something...I am no longer counting the minutes, but the hours are always on my mind, counting down to sanity, wonder if i'll ever get there, wonder if I know when i arrive? I really wanted to soak up this time and just be grateful and happy and get over it....but i'm finding out its not as simple as a positive mindset, in fact a positive mindset does just about shit all in this state i'm in.....it's so hard for anyone to understand and I dont expect them too....I just want to be me again so I can forget about it all....X